On Floral Arrangements:

Wedding Planner:  You have approximately 150 people.  So you will have 15 tables of 10.  Therefore, you will need 15 centerpieces.

Mike:  How about if we have 3 giant tables of 50 like they have in the German beer fests?  You know, with everybody tapping their beer steins back and forth (as Mike gestures the motions with his hands).  This way we would only need 3 centerpieces!  Think of the money we could save!

Wedding Planner:  (looking quite serious and sketching a diagram of the 3 tables of 50)  It doesn't work the way you think.  You would still need to have many small floral arrangements linked together by a series of flowers.

Candice:  Don't listen to him.  He's not serious.

On Wedding Planning:

Candice:  Isn't it great being involved in the wedding planning?

Mike:  It's more fun than sitting home on a Sunday watching football and drinking a beer.

Candice:  (Playfully) Shut up, asshole.


The Wedding Officiant:

"I am honored to perform the ceremony.  But one question, can I refer to Mike as F**ko throughout the ceremony?"